The idea for this song started with a melody from almost 10 years ago. There is a crappy recording of a jam session with it that sometimes resurfaced while reorganising cd’s and files at home and it was always nice to hear again. There never was any real attempt to work it out into a song however. So it was left alone for the time being.
Much later, during a period when it came up every time I picked up a guitar or sat down at a piano, I decided that I wouldn’t write another song if not this one first. Meanwhile in my head, the melody had evolved into a ¾ time for string orchestra, which was an entertaining thought but not very useful. It had to somehow work on electric guitar for Akelei.
Keeping the flow (1, 2, 3…), I wrote a part to fit the first one. The new part was interesting because it needs an extra bar to work well. It is also a riff that wants to go on and on, which is something we like in doom. It makes for intros that last longer than the average rock song and, in this case, it really ties the song together. The first half of it anyway.
In the rehearsal room we jammed on another new riff which felt so good that we immediately added it to ‘Meer dan je ziet’, making it a lot heavier in the process. The heaviness felt good too, and allowed for the kind of finale where everything just kind of ‘falls into place’. The end was definitely easy to write, although it may not sound it. It was as if the song pushed it into one direction.
Unfortunately, the lyrics didn’t write themselves. As is the problem with all personal subjects, it is hard to decide on what to share and how. In a way, this very problem was what I started writing about. Lamenting the failure to speak one’s heart when it matters most. The hurt to see the loss it causes. It wasn’t easy. Then, I found truth in a friend’s quote:
Being careful kills the soul.